I’m Katie. I’m twenty-three & really dislike writing ‘about me’ pages. I’m a registered nurse, & I look after kids in hospital with cancer & blood disorders. Most of the time I love my job, but sometimes I wish for a paper-pushing desk-job where my heart doesn’t break several times a day. I’m fiercely independent & incredibly stubborn, both of which have saved my life & almost destroyed it. For seven years I’ve suffered with an eating disorder (anorexia), depression, anxiety & post-traumatic stress disorder. What a conversation stopper(!). I’m still searching for my way out of this mess of medication, therapy, hospitals & DSM-IV labels; but I have not lost hope. I’m (re)testing the waters of my relationship with God, because I’ve realised He is the only one who can set me free. There is no other path than this; I know because I’ve tried. Desperation has been my greatest gift.
Things I love:
1. poetry 2. moths 3. the dictionary 4. sea breezes 5. chunky knit scarves 6. bobby pins 7. lip balm 8. synchonised traffic 9. coffee 10. kisses from billy 11. thunder storms 12. oversized cardigans 13. old friends. 14. cushions 15. making my mum laugh 16. to-do lists 17. holden caulfied 18. library etiquette 19. naps 20. mozart 21. bandaids 22. lemonade 23. antique stores 24. montmartre 25. inspiration 26. ballet 27. ava’s eyelashes 28. pearly snuggles 29. new friends 30. alco wipes 31. the ocean 32. mail 33. intuition 34. winter coats 35. lamplight 36. being brave 37. online banking 38. massages 39. my cats 40. summer 41. red lipstick 42. newspapers 43. other people’s fridges 44. learning 45. hope 46. hair elastics 47. memorising(mesmerising) faces 48. the headland 49. white lilies 50. god
Things I don’t love:
1. cooking 2. clowns 3. the dark 4. referencing 5. warm milk. 6. slow drivers 7. parking meters 8. olives. 9. goodbyes. 10. music playing in doctors’ offices 11. long flights 12. positional cannulas 13. hospital handwash 14. petrol prices 15. politics 16. loud noises 17. night sweats 18. the smell of mesna 19. blisters 20. inappropriate apostrophes 21. sinus infections 22. mosquitos 23. ignorance 24. ambivalence 25. that full feeling
I am tired of secrets. I’m tired of constantly lying, not for dishonesty but for the sake of a great facade. I’m tired of doing this alone. I’ve finally – praise the Lord! – grasped the fact that I cannot beat my disease. At least not in the way I classically function. This ad hoc fashion of incredible displays of strength punctuated by devastation is simply not sustainable. This blog will (hopefully) record my journey of recovery, this time with God as my guide. Religious instruction dearly sought after!
http://alpha.org.au/directory/search_state_tn.php
Check this link. Are any of these churches near you. They’re listed as offering the Alpha Course which is Christianity 101. (Alpha.org.au)
Dear Katie,
Wow- you are extraordinary! Can you email me if you want to?
laptop@premiumcork.com.au
Wow- you are amazing!
I am a friend of the Clare Froggatt’s -Sam’s mum…just saw your blog thru your comment on Sam’s page.
You blow me away. Thank you.
XXBronteXX
I love you.
Katie! I’m proud of you
Also, you like moths? you crazy woman
Haha, yes, I do! In fact, we (& by ‘we’ I mean mostly for Scout’s benefit, as he is the chief bug catcher) have a rule at my house that says ‘We are kind to moths & Christmas beetles.’ Not sure how he’s going on the differentiating between different species, but hey, it’s worth a shot! Moths are beautiful. I love that they always go to the light. & their wings are so soft.
xx
Hey Katie,
Just reading your blog and thinking what a wonderful writer you are. So glad we found each other.
Clare
Wow, I found your site through http://r4d.us
I find your blog really interesting, it was a good find.
I find the moth thing pretty cool actually!
I have a lunar moth I think I’ll make a wallpaper out of and post it on my wallpaper website.
Oh wow, you’ve completely made my day
Thank you so much for commenting.
I try to teach my cat, Scout, to be kind to moths, but he’s a bit special ed, lol.
Can’t wait to check out your website later when I’m home from work.
Would love to see that moth wallpaper
Anyway, thanks again for commenting.
Love Katie
Ok I got that Moth Wallpaper up. I have a Red Lunar Moth too, I’ll make it into a wallpaper too as soon as I find the pic, I’ve got tons of Photo’s I’ve taken to go through. Don’t be afraid to leave a comment or tell some friends about it! It’s a safe wallpaper site I made cause I was tired of Crappy Wallpaper sites that have popups everwhere.
Oh, and Keep fighting the good fight!
Katie,
I realize you don’t know me, but it is totally of God that I stumbled upon your blog. Tonight was one of the hardest nights of my life… I feel completely crushed, but yet I have hope.
I had spent my evening praying and reading the Psalms and decided to end with changing the background of my laptop to a picture that depicted surrender. I searched google images for a while and a picture from your blog came up. It caught my eye so I clicked on it and began reading what came up. Almost immediately I was crying again. My mom prayed for me earlier tonight that God would somehow show me how much he loves me… He did that through you and your post about how much Jesus loves us. Thank you for being used of God! Keep pressing on!
Even though we live in different countries, I can still call you my “sister” through Christ’s work in our lives. Our God is incredible, isn’t He?!
I was encouraged by Psalm 16: 5-9,11 tonight… thought I’d pass it on. You will be in my prayers!
just read your entire blog. you write so beautifully.
I’ve sent you an email! (hope you don’t mind).
what a precious gift you have. so raw. simply art.
praying for you.x
hi babe it’s steph.
you a ferocious warrior for God.
i love you so blimmin much.
keep going princess
xx
i was reading your blog for the first time and the song ‘carried to the table’ by leeland came on my i-pod. for some reason i felt like i should share it…
Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms
I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord
Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed
You carried me, my God
You carried me
Katie, Katie, Katie…. wow, I don’t even know what to say girl. Thanks for commenting on my blog. Your writing is INCREDIBLE. Do you take all of your pictures?
I have just been reading through some of your posts after finding your blog, and I am simply awestruck at how devoted you are to God. You are the most incredible person I have ever met, and I mean that.
You are a real Beauty. You make this world a better place.
Love,
Scott
Dear Katie,
Hello. I am so pleased to hear when someone knows that God is really there and is the only way.
I came across your blog in my search for answers. I have been inappropriately treated with medications for years and am trying to repair their effects. I say inappropriately, but perhaps it was the only road that could have been taken, for my own sake. I have lost so much, but not in the same way you have.
Time does heal. God quickly or slowly changes things in ways we don’t always expect. I was somebody with potential and I hope to have it back, or to understand and accept what it is.
I pray and hope that one day it will be OK for you too. I have learned that the things we understand about our selves now may change over time. If we believe that something will always be the case without thinking that circumstances change, we can prevent ourselves from moving towards a change, simply because we stay in our former mindset.
Stay with us. I am so impressed with your writings. You have so much. And I thank God for what has been given. I will pray for you Katie,
Mary
Hi Katie,
You sent me a message on my blog about Ivy’s port a few weeks ago. I just wanted to stop by and say thank you. We were on holidays when you wrote and Ivy had been experiencing bleeding from the hickmans site and new bruising. When I looked there seemed to be a small ulcer around the insertion site and I was unsure how to stop the bleeding, really and then like magic, your comment came through. That night, when I needed to redress it again because blood had seeped through the tegaderm, I did exactly as you said and looped it up and over, which did what you said it would, shortened it but it also took the pull and the pressure off the insertion site and it stopped bleeding soon after that.
I was so thankful to you for that advice.
Unfortunately we are struggling with some nurses at the moment who insist it is better either dangling like it was or completely unreeled altogether, which would leave it in the same state but I wanted you to know I have insisted and, now two weeks after your comment, the site finally looks as though it may be healing a little.
I just wanted you to know. You made things so much better for my little girl and I am grateful for you.